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December 2007
Dear Bradley,
My boyfriend doesn't like having sex with me anymore. Is he having an affair?
Karen in Allentown, PA
Dear Karen,
Please. Your boyfriend isn't having an affair. Don't flatter yourself. That's great that you like him but he's just not that cool. What other girl is he possibly going to find? I think it's simply a matter of boredom. Usually, when a guy stops sleeping with his girlfriend it's because he's craving a little variety. And no, variety isn't as easy as changing positions or dressing up like a French Maid. Think of your boyfriend as a vampire and you as his prey. After a few months, he's sucked all the blood out of you that he can and he's ready to move on to his next victim. Unfortunately, your vampire for a boyfriend is too much of a (well, how can I put this nicely?) "loser" to find a next victim. So he's stuck with you.
This is what I suggest. Hire a non-civilian (i.e., a hooker) for him for a night. And don't get on your high horse about how you are above that sort of thing. Prostitution is the world's oldest profession. If you don't support it, it might die out. Wouldn't that be tragic? It would be like destroying the Colosseum in Rome or throwing away books on the world's ancient languages. Do you really want that on your conscience? Of course, you don't.
So, get the hooker and let him have a wild night with her. This way, he can close his eyes for the next few months and visualize the hooker while he's having sex with you. Remember, as long as a guy can visualize a recent sexual experience with someone other than his girlfriend while he's sleeping with the girlfriend, he's happy. And this isn't a slight on you. I'm sure you are plenty sexy. But after a few times, a guy simply needs to fantasize about something - anything - other than his girlfriend. In this case, he'll be thinking of the hooker. But don't worry. Who cares who he's visualizing about as long as he's sleeping with you? And you'll be happy too because you'll be having sex again. You see? Everybody wins!! (Even the hooker because she's made a few extra bucks.)
Your pal,
Bradley
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11 Comments:
I love non civilians
Thats the most retarded idea ever
What happens if the guy starts thinking about Karen when he is with the hooker Oo?
Ya thats the most idiotic answer ive ever heard. I would suggest porn
I would suggest angry sex, oral sex, outdoor sex or anything that would be refreshing and new.
But I'm sure this would also work. I mean at least for the guy... :D
just make sure he wears a condom
(with the hooker)
how old is this young lady? if she is younger than 18, i am going to track her and her boyfriend down and tear their hearts out to feed to death. i'm sure they'll taste fine candied. but on the other hand, bradley's idea is just plain idiotic.
You're a f^#ing idiot! What kind of afvice is that? Tell her to spice it up between them you retard. The hell with the hooker. Put that money to work (get some booze for the fun nights;))
Maybe he's gay.
Maybe he's gay.
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